


The storm that I believe in

by cuckoobirds



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Other, Stormy nights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-24 14:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21101066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuckoobirds/pseuds/cuckoobirds
Summary: "Jamin noticed he was wearing worn out pajamas shorts and a tank top. Shane was skinny, but had broad shoulders. They were covered by freckles and  unusual tattoos, a circle on his shoulder, crooked lines on his collarbones and chest, bubbles under his arm and a woman’s name in the inner part of his bicep. His legs were very hairy and paler than the rest of his body. He was an unworldly creature."





	The storm that I believe in

December 2011

A long time ago in a distant birthday and sunny California little Jamin got a sketchbook for his 7 year old birthday. He liked gardens and he spent a whole afternoon, his knees digging in the dirt, trying to catch all the details of the different leaves and petals, but not the flowers as a whole, focusing in all their unique details. Flowers could look all the same to some people, but not for him.

Somehow he never stopped noticing all hidden details in people. Jamin was excellent in cutting people’s bullshit, but as his sister always pointed out, it was a curse and a blessing. He could be somehow oblivious to their emotions too.

It was Christmas again. It took him time to accept the bleakness and nostalgia of New York Christmas, and even more to Brooklyn Christmas. His very small family wasn’t there and his few good friends could kept him company on that night.

The bar was crowded as usual and the weather was damp and windy. The forecast was for an unusual storm. Red Christmas lights were dim in the cloud of smoke hovering the booths. The thunders were lighting up the sky warning that different paths were being made or diverted.

Jamin never celebrated his birthday, that happened in the beginning of the week, so his friends wanted at least to take him out to a celebration of sorts the other day. There were some places in Brooklyn he just couldn’t go and some queens he didn’t want to see. But it was a special occasion, even if he didn’t want it, so he agreed to meet Alice and Ethan, a couple of actors he became friends with during the rehearsals of _Caligula Maximus_. He was very excited about the theater production, and doing something different besides drag was giving him room to breath again. To see life outside pretentious and obnoxious younger queens that were getting on his nerves.

When Jamin got to his booth he removed his black sweater revealing the gray t-shirt underneath and military green cargo pants. His hair was messy, a bit of eyeliner under the eyes and bleached blonde hair for the character, which was a pain in the ass to keep it that way, but necessary to break through. Betty was always changing hair colors but Jamin always felt safer with the black locks. At least the thick arrow glasses were on so he could hide somehow from unwanted encounters.

He checked his phone while ordering a drink from the waitress. Alice’s message on the screen saying she was stuck in traffic. Jamin looked through the glass of the booth outside and it was definitely raining. They wouldn’t make it in time for sure and he was exhausted and wanted to go home. He sent Alice a message to not even bother, he was going to finish his drink and be on his way before the sky collapsed.

His eyes were wandering over the booth and faces on the bar when a familiar one walked in the wooden doors. Thorgy entered the place quickly and shook himself like a golden retriever on the doormat. It’s been ages since Jamin saw him out of drag, in his full Shane form. He was probably meeting someone in the bar since he went directly to the counter and asked for a drink.

Jamin drew back his attention to his cellphone to see if Alice replied and lowered his head even more so Shane couldn’t see him, but he kept looking up over people’s head observing him. Maybe it was the rain but Shane didn’t seem bubbly as usual. He removed his round glasses and covered his face for way too long. That too long that doesn’t mean you’re tired, but too sad to care if you’re crying in a bar.

“Fuck” he muttered annoyed with his own empathy. He knew Thorgy for quite a long time and that was legitimately the first time he saw him not laughing like a crazy person. Alice finally replied and said it was okay, that she was staying in Ethan’s house because the world was going to end in a big storm that night. The thunders outside as a scenery of a horror moving trying to blend with the Christmas songs playing inside. It was mortifying to see Thorgy like that indeed.

Thorgy was confident and vibrant. Shane otherwise, as Jamin gathered from the their casual meetings, was the typical nerd from the band at school hiding in baggy clothes and oatmeal beanies. He didn’t know how the hell he could help that defeated kid. Jamin got out his booth and went on his way, having the strange sensation of deja vú, of that night a few years ago when they were also talking on a bar’s counter and ended up making out in a bathroom’s stall.

“Um, Thorgy?” he touched his shoulder lightly as Shane was playing with the straw of his drink and staring blankly into the bottom of the glass.

He side looked up and opened a smile, wiping his wet face with the back of his palm, his glasses had raindrops and he was very wet. He positioned himself and pat three times on the stool next to him, a sigh for Jamin to sit.

“Oh my god, Betty, the sky is falling down. We’re gonna need a boat to get out of here. Girl, it’s been ages!” he replied slapping his knee a few times in the speed of light avoiding actually looking at Jamin, calling the waitress. “Make it double. Are you?”

“No, I’m leaving. I mean, I was leaving. I was supposed to meet some friends here but they got stuck”

“Me too! I was going to TnT to see Ruby but she managed to get there and the show probably has started but I’m stuck”

The waitress arrived with the shots of whiskey and Shane gulped down two shots. He seemed already drunk even before that. Jamin widened his eyes and chuckled. Shane shrugged and finally actually noticed Jamin’s face.

“Your hair! Oh my god I love it” he said running his fingers through Jamin’s hair with no ceremony and caressing his forehead absently. Jamin had forgot how Thorgy was very into physical contact but somehow never made people uncomfortable about it. A true gift. The tip of his fingers were a bit rough, probably because of the years of violin practice.

“Oh! It’s for that play, right? Bitch, people are talking about it. Acid Betty taking over the musicals.”

“Yeah, probably hoping that I bomb”

Thorgy agreed laughing. A genuine laughter this time.

“Are you okay, I noticed you from my booth. I mean, you seemed a bit upset, I don’t know….” Jamin tried awkwardly to find the words while Shane observed and appreciated his effort.

“This is one of the few moments I’m going to use this, first because I’m drunk and second because you don’t have forty minutes so I can explain you in details the whole thing. Long story short: my boyfriend broke up with me last week. Not because he cheated, which he swore he didn’t, but because he fell in love with somebody else”

Jamin grimaced and Shane raised a finger like he wanted Jamin to wait although he didn’t say a word and he gulped down a bottle of beer the waitress left while he was talking.

“And he is already dating that somebody else. Who happens to be a drag queen too. I don’t think I ever loved someone like I loved him and that’s it"

Shane looked so red with all the achohol he slurped in those two minutes Jamin thought he was about to burst. "So my plans for tonight is getting caught by this storm and my body will be floating on the sewer in the morning.”

Jamin pondered a bit as he observed Shane playing with his straw in silence and watching the TV on the bar’s wall.

“Look, I’m not gonna say that he is a jerk and you deserve something better. Even though I think you do. This sucks deep balls and you’ll be drenching in this misery for some time but it will pass. It doesn’t feel like it now, but hold on to that thought”

Shane stared at Jamin and opened a sweet smile under his puffy eyes and red nose.

“You’re…nice, Betty? I’m telling everyone”

“Shut up. I’m leaving, and please avoid the sewers” he said standing up the stool when Shane’s face froze in complete panic. Jamin looked behind and he saw a couple of two guys next to the bathroom standing up and he connected the dots quickly. “Are you fucking kidding me”

Shane couldn’t even answer.

“Please, stay, I can’t do this by myself. I look like a wet Afgan Hound” Shane pleaded squeezing his leg, his eyes already glistening.

The couple was approaching them, but only the tall brunette with a thick beard come forward.

“Shane… Hi, I didn’t...I- how are you?” he stuttered baffled to find him there.

“I’m fine. Um, Jamin, I think we can go home? I’m going to the cashier can you?” 

Jamin didn’t know how to react but he just followed Shane’s lead and they both paid their drinks. As Shane held Jamin’s hand he noticed how sweaty and cold they were. Shane was silent the whole time, probably trying to contain the turmoil of emotions inside.

They went outside the bar and the rain was still strong, making the city look like a melted painting. Luckily there was a taxi outside, the first thing to go right in that weird night. They both got in in the back seat. The taxi driver greeted them and Jamin looked at Shane hoping for directions but he seemed so troubled he decided to take control.

“I can stay in your place until the rain is lighter. Greenpoint, right?”

Shane just nodded relieved and covered his face not being able to control his tears anymore. Jamin hesitated to place a hand on his back but did it, rubbing as he listened to his friend sobbing.

*

The whole way to Shane’s apartment was quiet and somber. He was a bit drunk and Jamin helped him to get the key in the lock and when he turned on the light Jamin analysed the place. Different objects and decorations all together, a cello on the corner.

Shane was taking off his shoes on the way and removing his drenched sweater throwing absently on the couch and reaching for a bottle of wine on the fridge.

He turned on the stereo in the living room, handed a glass to Jamin with drops of wine falling on the carpet but didn’t mind and collapsed on the couch holding the bottle. Jamin recognized Billy Holiday singing. He was a bit hesitant of sitting on the armchair across the couch but he peered outside the window, the rain was still heavy with no signs of fading away.

“It’s ridiculous, right?” Shane uttered his first words after that half hour of silence.

“This night has been extra” he replied gulping down his glass and deciding to sit while Shane drank from the bottle. “You should get some sleep. Change into dry clothes. Girl, you drank the whole bar”

“You’re right” he uttered trying to sit down but he stopped midway as if he suddenly had an epiphany “Do you think we’ll ever get married?”

The question made Jamin’s stomach swirl and a thunder rattled loud outside.

“What?” Jamin asked laughing of his nonsense. “Oh, you mean, _the right_ to get married. Um, so you were that serious with him…”

Shane nodded completely zoned out still motionless staring at the coffee table in front of him.

“It’s raining like a tropical forest in the middle of December. Everything is possible”

“I really thought he could…you know what I mean?I don’t think anyone would ever endure me…there is always this point where they’re like, _shit, what am I doing with this crazy person”,_ he waved pointless his hand. “But he really seemed to understand me. To see me. Not the whole, but the different parts and not getting tired of them. Well…”

Jamin observed him for a bit while the man finally got back on his feet. The words still echoing in his head.

“I-I’m going to bed and watch whatever is on TV. I have clothes” he laughed at how stupid his sentence sounded. “I have DRY clothes, the heater doesn’t work here we can sleep together”

Jamin’s reaction was immediately shaking his head. He was devastated and drunk and he didn’t want that night to get even weirder.

“Sha-

Shane interrupted him raising his bottle as a defense document in a court, “I know I sound like I wanna fuck you but I can’t even find the zipper of my pants now let alone suck a dick”

Jamin thanked the living room was kinda dark because he really felt his cheeks burning.

“I mean, I know you don’t wanna have sex with me, I’m ridiculous and I don’t even know if you’re a bottom and-”

Jamin got up quickly pushed him to walk towards the room before the whole thing got even more awkward.

“Ooookay! Just go first and I’ll be there in a minute”

*

Jamin checked his cellphone for a few minutes and he was starving. He took the liberty to look for something in the fridge. Jamin knew Thorgy had a roommate and he wondered where was him. He grabbed a bottle of juice and drank a glass, a neutral food that probably nobody would mind him drinking a glass.

He remembered Shane’s last words and laughed shaking his head. His plan was to stay and offer help if he feels sick and leave right after since it was getting late and he needed to be on rehearsal early in the morning. He checked the fridge again and there was ice cream. _Jackpot._

Nothing better than sugar to heal broken hearts and possible monumental hangovers. When he got into Shane’s room he was all spread on his bed, laying on his back watching what it seemed to be…_The Mighty Ducks_?

“I love December TV” he announced with the ice cream on hands. Shane looked up and smiled positioning himself to sit crossing his legs.

Jamin noticed he was wearing worn out pajamas shorts and a tank top. Shane was skinny, but had broad shoulders. They were covered by freckles and unusual tattoos, a circle on his shoulder, crooked lines on his collarbones and chest, bubbles under his arm and a woman’s name in the inner part of his bicep. His legs were very hairy and paler than the rest of his body. He was an unworldly creature.

“I’ve never noticed you’ve had so many tattoos” Jamin commented handing him the pot and retrieving a spoon for himself. Shane dug even fast and was lickling his finger that was covered with the white cream in a such a sinful way that made Jamin quite unsettled. _Oh god._

“They are all bulllshit but these ones”

He raised both of of arms showing the inside part of the night one.

“Mom and Brahms. She gave me my arms and he gave them purpose” and then he made a mimic of playing a violin with using his spoon as a bow giggling.

He felt a connection with him, they were completely different people and still had this shared pain of losing a mother but finding themselves through art and music. The first time actually seeing Shane undressed of all the things that he wore as a disguise and now he could understand Thorgy’s exaggerated acts. Shane kept digging the ice cream, his rhythm was slowing down and his eyelids getting heavier. 

“Are you not changing? You’re getting a cold…” he noticed being quite wise for a drunk but his eyes never left the TV.

“I’m taking off these pants. My shirt is still dry”. He removed the pants and luckily he was wearing shorts underneath. Even though they had cartoon french fries patterns all over it. He noticed Shane checking him out even though he was very languid.

“Cute” Shane teased smirking innocently and Jamin picked a pillow and covered the front of his briefs.

*

They ate the whole ice cream pot while commenting the movie. As time was passing, they were getting closer, leaning on the bed’s headboard, the pot in the middle of them. It was the first time of Shane watching the hockey movie and he was very excited about it, dozing out in some parts, but never stopped talking and questioning the plot holes of the movie. Jamin knew that the rain was finally taking a break, but he was too comfortable to leave.

“Emilio Estevez was so hot I’m watching all of his movies this week”

The movie ended Shane was laid down again, his head almost resting on Jamin’s thigh, his cheek touching the fabric of Jamin’s shorts.

“I could totally be a hockey player…but I’ve always been too tall and clumsy to skate” he mumbled and yawned as the credits were going up.

Jamin was feeling very sleepy too so he slid on the bed and laid beside Shane while _“We are the champions”_ was playing in the black background of the TV. Shane was lying on the side, his breath on Jamin’s neck and he could feel his eyes on him.

“Go to sleep, Shane”

“What’s your favorite Queen song?”

Jamin deep sighed and gave up turning to lay on the side too, facing Shane. Their faces were very close, their knees almost brushing, he could even smell of the wine mixed with vanilla ice cream of Shane’s breath. His glasses all crooked with the position, because he was using his hands as a pillow.

“Killer Queen” he replied fixing Shane’s glasses and brushing some dreads back that were tangling his neck. “I take yours is probably Bohemian-

They both answered together “Rhapsody”

They kept staring at each other, Shane’s eyes completed clouded. Jamin didn’t even know how he was still up with the amount of alcohol he drank.

“You really look hot with this bleached hair” Shane cut the sexual tension creating even more.

Jamin scoffed but when he realized Shane was already pulling him for a kiss. _Oh fuck. _Here we go again. Wine and Vanilla ice was an excellent combination and Shane’s lips were swollen and soft, his leg was already over Jamin’s hip pulling him closer. He really, really tried to not kiss him back but Shane had an incredible grip for a drunk, grinding on him desperately and Jamin trying to pull away.

“Shane, Shane…you’re drunk…” he whispered gathering every ounce of willpower on his body to not getting turned on, but with Shane’s cock rubbing on his stomach, covered only by that the thin fabric of his worn out shorts… it was too much to handle. Shane was now sucking on his neck making Jamin brush his lips on Shane’s neck unwillingly. He was hot and smelled like the rain outside.

Jamin stared at the ceiling hoping that a lighting hit them both because he wasn’t going to be able to stop.

“_Please._..don’t you want me? Please…” he begged moaning and reaching for Jamin’s bulge which made him positively in panic. Jamin was faster and grabbed both of Shane’s wrists and pulling away. Oh, he wanted him, and it was pretty obvious since he was getting rock hard.

“Shane, this is a mistake and I’m not taking advantage of -

His eyes were closing and his limbs getting softer. Jamin released his grip and in seconds Shane was passed out and snoring, his leg still over Jamin’s hip.

“Great” he grunted annoyed.

He slowly set free from his embrace and stood up fixing his hair, all hot and bothered.He looked down at his own erection on the shorts and shook his head thinking about how that night escalated to absolute mess.

Jamin took a quick shower, and even though jerking of naturally crossed his mind he just felt too weird about it. He got the couch to sleep with no Shane interventions. He slept with the jazzy sound of Billy Holiday. A really good night of sleep.

*

He woke up with the smell of scrambled eggs and a brunette man, with black long hair staring at him. He was sitting on the armchair in front of him, the image finally getting focused but he needed his glasses so he fumbled on the coffee table until he found them.

“Morning. I’m Alvaro. Shane’s roommate” Alvaro waved at him with a starstruck face holding a bowl of cereal. “You’re Acid Betty, right? Big fan here. Your drag is amazing. I mean, really drag, not the clown stuff Shane does…”

Jamin sat on the couch shyly and just nodded sitting properly and getting relieved that he put his pants on before sleeping. Shane approached them handing Jamin a plate with scrambled eggs and two toasts and a glass of orange juice. He picked a chair from the kitchen and sat next to Jamin that was on the couch. He embraced his long legs observing Jamin. 

“Girl, that’s the least I can do, I feel so embarrassed” he said placing a hand on his palm.

Jamin wondered if Shane was embarrassed about making a move on him or the night as a whole, but he seemed oblivious.

“Shane told me what happened. Ouch. I never liked that guy anyways, he has terrible taste for men. He is a very annoying drunk. It takes him ages to finally shut up and sleep so bless you”

Shane nodded in agreement feeling worried. He actually looked better than yesterday. He wasn’t wearing his round glasses and Jamin could see his face with nothing on the way for the first time. All his individual details lit by the morning sun. That nerdy kid from the band was actually a very good looking man. Alvaro and Shane noticed that he got a little bit distracted gazing at Shane.

“Um” Jamin realized what he was doing and cleared his throat and reaching for his shoes, “Aren’t you not even a bit hungover?”

“No. Norwegian blood. But I can’t remember shit after the taxi…just that we watched The Mighty Ducks and ice cream?” Shane questioned rubbing his forehead trying to remember. He didn’t seem faking it.

“Yeah, that was it” Jamin reassured him maybe afraid of sounding too disappointed. Alvaro kept switching his gaze between Shane and him very suspiciously like he was watching a very interesting soap opera. “I have to leave.” he wolfed down the eggs and took the toasts wrapped in a napkin to go. “Bye Alvaro. I don’t have any Betty gigs for the moment, but I’m on Caligula Maximus, the opening is next week”

“I’ll definitely watch it” he replied with a smirk still holding his bowl.

Shane followed Jamin to the leave and he was holding the door searching for Jamin’s eyes.

“Look Betty, I mean, Jamin, I think our friendship reached another level after yesterday, right?” he smiled exasperated. “Really, thank you for being my…boat yesterday”

He smiled and shook his head. He had to keep the memory of vanilla and wine only for himself.

“You’re a cuckoo bird. Take care, Thorgles…”

Shane closed the door and touched his own lips, as if they had traces of something he couldn’t recall. He joined Alvaro in the living room and ate the rest of the scrambled eggs Jamin left.

“So?” Alvaro asked, “How was it? Acid Betty?”

Shane coughed the eggs a little bit and drank the juice to help him swallow.

“What? We didn’t do anything. Didn’t you hear the story? I was pathetically drunk and still am heartbroken”

“Exactly. You had that man in your bed and you didn’t do anything?”

“That’s Acid Betty, she is my friend and you’re crazy”

“That is a man. Honestly, you didn’t learn nothing from me.”

They kept eating in silence. Shane tried really hard to recall what happened but everything was a blur. But he was pretty sure he just fell asleep while they were watching a movie.

“Not even a friendly handjob to distract from the heartache?”

“STOP” Shane was chewing mortified putting the plate down.

“ At least you’ve made out once in that New Year’s eve”

“Yeah, and it was so good he got back to his boyfriend the other day”

Alvaro finally agreed recalling that fact. “You do have a point” Alvaro nodded, drawing his attention to the bowl of cereal. “He is single now though”

“Oh my gooooood” Shane grunted annoyed leaving his friend laughing alone victorious.

The memories of that New Year’s eve would haunt Shane from time to time, and maybe he was getting too good in suppress what he could possibly felt after that day. He started washing the dishes and recalling the look on his ex-face in the bar, the wound still fresh. Somehow he felt healed, because he did remember Jamin’s old lady cackle and the feeling of being comfortable with someone that could see him. The memories not clear, but his body reacting, the sensations still sparkling inside.


End file.
